Shadowing Practice: Ted Series Funniest Moments | Ted (2024) | Big Screen Laughs - Learn English Speaking with Video

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1
But listen, you gotta kick me out of school.
2
Ted, I already told you.
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I have weed.
4
What?
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I am in possession of marijuana here on school premises.
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May I see it?
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Well, I...
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I lost it.
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You lost it.
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Yeah, but he had weed, alright?
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I'm a witness.
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I would need to see the marijuana for there to be consequences.
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Look, we are telling you the truth.
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Yeah, I'm a bad seed.
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See, look.
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I love you.
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Drugs.
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I love drugs.
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Should we say grace?
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Oh, yeah, good idea.
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Hello, God.
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It's me, Ted, one of your weirder creations.
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Sorry about what I said today.
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Not that your deacons aren't attractive, but I'm saving my mouth for marriage.
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Let us not be so high that we have to call an ambulance.
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Amen.
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Amen.
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Okay.
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Let there be lights.
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Excuse me.
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Hi.
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Uh, hi.
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I'm, uh...
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John Bennett.
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Hi there.
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Ooh.
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You just, uh, wash your hands?
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Uh, yeah, I just, when I, you know, a while ago, not now.
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I had diarrhea.
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Hi, I'm Ted.
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I'm Sheila.
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Oh, let's not ruin things.
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Hey, listen, we couldn't help but notice you were, uh, smoking a little pot.
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Yeah, mid-times, you know.
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What, are you gonna narc on me?
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Oh, we're not judging.
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No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. Teddy and I often partake of...
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El Bowl.
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And the pot inside it.
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Da.
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Cha-cha-cha.
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You know what the problem is?
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Education.
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There is a complete lack of education in this family.
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That's not true.
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I go to school.
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I'm taking a pottery class.
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What about Ted?
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Hmm?
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He's never had a day of education in his life, and it shows, using words like Polack.
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Oh, it was Polack.
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The teacher says my ashtray shows promise.
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You should be going to school every day with John.
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You'd learn something, and maybe you wouldn't make all these ignorant comments.
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Uh-huh, yeah, no thanks.
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Why not? Because.
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TV.
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You guys need marriage counseling.
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Oh, that.
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What's the matter?
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You scared of therapy, too?
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Oh, it's .
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I'm not gonna pay some shrink 80 bucks to sit there
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and show me ink blots that all look like priests with their dicks out.
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Well, I...
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I think that's already progress.
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Huh?
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Look, I have a proposal.
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I've saved up a little money working extra shifts at the coffee shop.
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As my Christmas gift to you and Susan this year, I will pay for one marriage counseling session.
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All you gotta do is show up.
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Oh, maybe, can we?
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Jesus, Susan.
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What would we even talk about?
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Well, we could talk about how much we love each other.
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Okay, you know what?
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Fine.
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We'll go.
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Just to show you that you're full of s*, and Susan and I have a great marriage.
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In fact, you know what?
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Let's go.
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Right now.
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It's not open at 9 p.m.
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Oh, and the bull s* begins!
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Now, let's start with the basics.
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Would you classify your marriage as sexually satisfying?
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What?
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How often would you say you have intercourse?
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That's none of your goddamn business.
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Look, why don't we just stick to...
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Every six months.
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Every six months.
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And what about anal?
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Jesus Christ!
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We do like the room to be clean, yeah.
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She said, yes?
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Hilarious.
108
Okay, now I want you to turn to each other and say the meanest thing you can think of.
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How is everything?
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Oh, it's just wonderful.
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Not good, Kevo.
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The word apple ain't in here anywhere.
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They allow diagonal, sir.
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Well, they should put that in the goddamn directions.
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I'll tell the chef.
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Yeah.
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Maddy, you have to try this crab.
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No, I'm fine.
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Oh, just one bite.
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It's so delicious.
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I'm fine.
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I got my own food.
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Just a baby bite.
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I don't want any.
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Just try it.
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Just one bite.
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Jesus Christ, Susan, why is it always so important that I have some of what you ordered?
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I want you to have some of this because I think you'll like it.
129
Well, if I wanted the goddamn crab, I would've ordered the goddamn crab.
130
But in the car on the way home, I can say, wasn't it good?
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For f*s sake, all right.
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You know?
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All right.
134
Oh, God damn it.
135
Okay, this is perfect.
136
Mom and Dad are gonna be out of the house and Blair's got school.
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There will never be a better time. For what?
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To rent a real porno.
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Well, how are we supposed to do it?
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That butt nut in the store says we gotta be 18.
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There's a different guy that comes in at 6 for the night shift.
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All right, we get fake IDs, we go in after 6, we can rent that porno.
143
I don't know, Johnny, it's a risk.
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I mean, if we get caught...
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Teddy, watching other people have sex on a TV screen, that's just about the coolest thing a person can do.
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It's worth the risk.
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By this time tomorrow, that dream could be ours.
148
All right.
149
Let's get some sleep.
150
We jerk at first light.
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Okay, now, as far as anyone knows, we're two ad executives on a business trip from Hartford looking for some local talent.
152
Right.
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Hey, uh, keep these milkshakes coming, huh?
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Sure thing.
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You know, um, we're celebrating.
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Just landed a big account.
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Bounty.
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It's a very famous paper towel.
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Yep, I use them every day.
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Oh, terrific.
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Well, you know, originally the slogan was supposed to be the quicker picker-upper, but we added the word thicker, quicker picker-upper.
162
Bought a summer house with that one adjective.
163
We can't read this whole thing.
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Well, if we're gonna figure out if I'm actually Jesus, we at least gotta skim it.
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I have never seen pages so thin.
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I know.
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It's like Kleenex with boring stories on it.
168
You know, I was thinking, how do we know that Dennis isn't Jesus?
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Johnny, Jesus walked on water, all right?
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Walked.
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That means he had feet, not wheels.
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Yeah, that makes sense.
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Oh, wait, hang on.
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Stop right there.
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Look, look, look.
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Matthew 21, 31.
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Truly I say to you, the tax collectors and prostitutes go into the kingdom of heaven before you.
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Look at that.
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Jesus hangs out with hookers.
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Yeah, and he says there's hookers in heaven, too.
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He sounds a lot like you.
182
Oh, yeah, heaven is probably mostly hookers.
183
Wait, so you're paying for sex in heaven?
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You're not paying them for sex.
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You're paying them to fly away.
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Oh.
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Let's see.
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And behold, I come quickly, and my reward is with me to give ev...
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What was that first part?
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Uh, behold, I come quickly.
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Jesus said that?
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Yeah.
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Yeah, that's not the kind of thing I'd start with, behold.
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What else?
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Look, look, look, right there, right there.
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John the Apostle.
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Jesus had an apostle named John.
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Holy shit.
199
Those were like his buddies, right?
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Yeah, yeah, there was Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, Johnny, Blitzen, and Larry, Daryl, and Daryl.
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There's no doubt anymore.
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I'm the Lord Jesus Christ.
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Holy shit.
204
Does this mean you have, like, powers and stuff?
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Yeah, but I probably gotta learn how to use them.
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Flip it as spells.
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Okay, spells.
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Spells, spells, spells.
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I wonder what my alignment is.
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Chaotic good.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Good, but, like, you know, I might fuck around a little bit.
213
Yeah.
214
Shit, we supposed to have dice?
215
Let the festivities begin.
216
How many we got?
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Well, let's see.
218
We got 20 cartons, 12 eggs in each.
219
That's gotta be, like, 20 dozen eggs, right?
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Fantastic.
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Do you think we're getting too old for this?
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Oh, come on, Johnny.
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We're doing a public service here.
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If a kid leaves the house in a less-than-stellar Halloween costume, he's got to get the bad news before he makes a fool of himself all over town.
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We're Samaritans.
226
You remember last year?
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Oh, check it out.
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There's one.
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Hey, nice costume!
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Thank you.

What You'll Practice in This Lesson

Ready to learn English with videos while having a laugh? This lesson uses a funny scene from Ted to help you practice speaking and listening. You'll work on understanding casual conversation, picking up slang, and improving your pronunciation through shadow speech. The dialogue is fast, playful, and full of everyday phrases—perfect for getting comfortable with real-life English.

Key Vocabulary & Phrases to Learn

  • "Kick me out": To force someone to leave a place (e.g., "The teacher might kick me out if I’m late again").
  • "In possession of": To have something (often used in formal or legal contexts, like "He was in possession of a stolen phone").
  • "Narc on": To tell on someone (slang; e.g., "Don’t narc on me—let’s keep this a secret").
  • "Partake of": To consume or take part in something (casual here; "We partake of coffee every morning").
  • "Bad seed": Someone who behaves badly (e.g., "My little brother is a bad seed—he’s always pranking people").

Tips for Shadowing This Video

Shadow speak is all about mimicking the speed, tone, and rhythm of native speakers. This video has quick, conversational exchanges—so pause often! Start by watching a 5-second clip, then replay it and repeat immediately. Focus on the playful intonation, like Ted’s sarcastic "Hello, God" or John’s awkward "I had diarrhea." Notice how words blend together, like "gonna" instead of "going to" or "weirder" with a soft "r." To improve English pronunciation, pay attention to stressed syllables in phrases like "mid-times" (stress on "mid") or "El Bowl" (exaggerate the "el" for humor). Practice daily, and soon you’ll sound more natural in casual chats—just like the characters in the video!

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.